When I Stopped Thinking
When I finally stopped thinking and started thinking, I realized I wasn’t that special after all. I had hoped so badly that I was. Oh well. But how was I supposed to know? Everyone acted as if I was. Everyone? Who exactly is everyone? Yeah, everyone made me feel like I was special. Or did they? So I decided everyone else was stupid, and I was the special one. That everyone else walked through life blind, controlled, swallowed by the system. What system, for God’s sake? The one that was supposed to catch me.
STOP.
Stop trying to save me. (Deep down, I was hoping someone would.) Or maybe I’ve already saved myself, because no one else ever could. Who knows? Who knows?
Fine. If nobody’s coming to save me anyway, maybe there’s nothing left to save. That’s the only explanation I can come up with. Or do you have a better one?
Fine then.
Everything’s okay.
Yeah, yeah. I live such a wonderful life. How could I even dare complain? As long as nobody has a problem with it, I don’t have to change a thing. Right?
03:21
So I started getting dressed before I could think the whole thing to death. I’m very good at that.
To be continued.
Samu, If I may: Not sure what kind of response you had hoped for or if you even wanted one! But I am an expert at giving UNASKED FOR advice, so here goes!
When I finally stopped thinking and started thinking, I realized I wasn’t that special after all. I had hoped so badly that I was. Oh well. But how was I supposed to know? Everyone acted as if I was. Everyone? Who exactly is everyone? Yeah, everyone made me feel like I was special. Or did they?
But you ARE special. You stand out as a writer who is in touch with yourself, your needs. Open and honest, not always perfect but aware of that and constantly monitoring and making changes for yourself.
So I decided everyone else was stupid, and I was the special one. That everyone else walked through life blind, controlled, swallowed by the system. What system, for God’s sake? The one that was supposed to catch me.
Sometimes this is only natural. It feels good to feel good about yourself. But again, notice your monitoring and awareness cut this type of thinking quickly!
STOP.
Stop trying to save me. (Deep down, I was hoping someone would.) Or maybe I’ve already saved myself, because no one else ever could. Who knows? Who knows?
We all hope that a miracle will arrive and make all things better. Perhaps that miracle might be a knight in shining armor who is also beautiful and queer. I belive that no matter who or where we are, WE ARE ALREADY SAVED! We just need to believe in ourselves and LISTEN as well as HEAR.
Fine. If nobody’s coming to save me anyway, maybe there’s nothing left to save. That’s the only explanation I can come up with. Or do you have a better one?
A better one? REREAD above!
Fine then.
Everything’s okay.
Yeah, yeah. I live such a wonderful life. How could I even dare complain? As long as nobody has a problem with it, I don’t have to change a thing. Right?
Sarcasm helps sometimes as long as you know it is just that. Being alive IS wonderful. It is OK to complain anyway as long as you can hold on to that for which to be grateful. We always are changing, I have written about the idea that we are not the same people we are not when compared to when we woke up this morning. Buddhism says “Things are always changing. Ride the waves. Nothing is permanent!
03:21
So I started getting dressed before I could think the whole thing to death. I’m very good at that.
To be continued.
Looking forward to the continuation of the beautiful story of your beautiful life, you beautiful person!
Fondly, MIchael
P.S. As EVITA says after she speaks on behalf of Juan Peron, “'Have I said too much? There's nothing more I can think of to say to you. But all you have to do is look at me to know that every word is true.'
Not special, but certainly unique. Looking forward to the next stream of thoughts.